*I'd like to give a little background info before making reference to a current Parents article. As many of you reading this already know, CJ and I feel that our family is complete with our one and only child, Triniti. We do not want anymore children. I have been really shocked and sometimes, if I were to be honest, offended by some of the comments people have made to us regarding our decision. Some of the most common comments we have heard (over and over and over, mind you) are:
"You CAN'T just have one!" (Hmm...why not?)
"Triniti NEEDS a sibling." (She does?)
"Triniti NEEDS another sister to play with. Aren't you thankful that you had your sister to grow up with?" (I wouldn't be guaranteed another girl even if we did have a 2nd child.)
"Triniti NEEDS a brother." (Again, I wouldn't be guaranteed a boy the 2nd time around.)
"What about if something bad were to happen to you and CJ at the same time? Triniti would be left with no one." (Sure she would...she has wonderful, loving extended family members.)
"Children that are 'only children' are spoiled brats." (Some children from multi-children families are spoiled brats...it's all in how your raise them.)
"You NEED to have a boy for CJ." (Actually people, CJ WAS HOPING for a girl.)
"Triniti will be bored if she doesn't have a sibling." (Ask my Mom how many times I told her I was bored growing up...and I had a sister only 22 months older than me!)
"When Triniti gets older, she's going to ask for a sibling." (She might. But did you get everything you asked for growing up?? I know I didn't. I wanted a younger sibling too...I didn't get one though.)
"You only want one?? WOW...that really surprises me, being that you are a teacher." (Um, being a teacher is one of the reasons why I only want one!!! I have 25 "children" to deal with all day long.)
The list could really go on, but I'll stop there. Of course, I always have a "comeback" for everyone's comments (see above), but it irritates me that I even have to have a comeback to begin with. Some people have told me that I just shouldn't tell others that we don't want any more children...I should tell them we are undecided or don't know how many children we want. But CJ and I shouldn't have to "hide" the plans we have for our life. We should be able to freely share our "family plans" just as those who want 2, 3, or 8 kids freely share theirs.
So not that I feel in any way shape or form that I have to justify our reasoning, but I was so happy to read the article Loving Your One and Only in the August issue of Parents magazine today. I was encouraged as I read the positives about having only one child (you can devote all of your time and energy to just that one child; NO sibling rivalry to deal with; etc.). Negative stereotypes of only children are just that...stereotypes. They are not factual or proven for every single only child out there. I could sit here all day and list reason after reason of why I only want one child...just like you could do the same for why you want more than one or NONE AT ALL (I'm sure those people can relate quite well to me right now too). Every person/married couple has to do what they feel is best for them. It was nice to finally see "only children" shed in a new light.
*Side note: For those of you reading this who think you might be one of the people who have said something "offensive" to me in the past, please don't think another thing of it. I don't have a list of names stored in my head of those who I am holding a grudge against for not agreeing with CJ's and my decision to not have any more children. I also know that people who say things don't mean to offend. A lot of times people say things before they think it through. I, too, have been guilty of this. I, in no way, want to offend anyone with what I said. I just wanted to be clear that no matter how many children people choose to have (or maybe no children at all), it's no one else's business to "feel the need" to change their minds. Leave that to God. In the mean time, let's all enjoy one of life's greatest blessings...CHILDREN!!!
2 comments:
BRAVO, my dear daughter... WELL SAID!! Dad and I wholeheartedly support both of you, no matter WHAT decision you make.
We heard similar comments when we chose 'permanent birth control': "Oh, you CAN'T just have two! What if something happens to one of your kids? You'd want to be able to have another one!" OUR answer: "Having one child would never take the place of another one!" We could never see the logic in that, either.
Or you could be like we finally got when we were building a house and everyone felt they had a 'right' to make comments such as: "Why do you want a THREE-car garage?" ("Why do you CARE? Is the extra $$ it's costing us coming out of YOUR pocket!?")
Your cousin, Ron Edwards, is a prime example of how an only child turned out wonderfully... it's like you said... it's all in how (you) are raised.
How's THIS for a comeback when someone makes a comment about your family size: "Sorry, this is a private matter between CJ and I. We're choosing not to talk about it outside of our marriage."
But, I have to say, I DO like your comebacks a whole lot better! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
Your post was very well written. Trust me, my family believes we should stop at two and maybe we should, but there is only one person who knows how many kids we will have and that is God. If He chooses to bless either one of us with another child, great, and if not I know you and I are both perfectly happy with the blessings He has given us!
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